I woke up at 6 after having 0 uninterrupted hours of sleep.
I showered and got dressed BEFORE 7 a.m.
I dragged my 6 year old out of bed, had a 15 minute discussion with him about why he was supposed to wear pj's to school for his Polar Express party (the same discussion we'd had the previous night when I laid the said items out for him to wear), and shuffled him to the van…half-eaten banana hanging out of his mouth. I had the teacher's gifts in one hand, the bag of iced sugar cookies in the other, a lump the size of Texas in my throat, and tears threatening to betray me.
You see, I grabbed my school visitor's pass, walked my boy back to his classroom with his gifts and cookies, and then I went back to the office and signed his withdrawal form.
I sent my boy to his first ever Christmas party and withdrew him from kindergarten within half an hour.
One hour later, I was seated at a table with 7 other folks signing even more papers. Lots and lots of papers. And then, I walked to the car with Brandon, with that same lump and those darn tears still in place. I un-curled my clammy fingers, and I took this photo.
Those keys represent so many things. Waiting. Tears. Arguments. Dissatisfaction. Growth. Money. Patience. Trials. Peace. Opportunity. Thankfulness.
Those keys represent a process. A journey.
They opened our minds to new, uncomfortable, unvisited ideas. But, ultimately…tangibly, they open this.
This is our new home. For the first time in our marriage, we don't have a lease, we have a mortgage.
I'm sure from the photo, you can see it's not in NE Jackson or Fondren. It's not even in Hinds County. It's in rural Canton. It was not in the neat little area I drew on my Zillow map to filter my search. It didn't fit in any of the checkboxes I checked on realtor.com, and the numbers didn't line up with the ones I typed in the fields on Trulia. But, once we made the drive out there.
Experienced it.
We knew our lines had been erased, and our filters had been reset.
Don't worry, there will be many posts in the future with more photos and details about the house…I promise. For now, I just wanted to focus on the "why?"
We love being home. Instead of having a small, easily maintained space and spending all our time doing and going, we prefer being home with space to rest, create, have friends and family over, and to just "be". There's room to grow. Not necessarily, but possibly in number. The kids won't go days without seeing their dad due to an unpredictable retail schedule clashing against a rigid school schedule. Yes, we could have found something that "worked" in Jackson, but this was just right in our hearts. It's old. It's new. There's room to romp around barefoot. There's space to create and think…breathe. There's space for learning.
We will hopefully move in around mid-January. Like I said, Cade has been withdrawn from school, and we will submit our form after the break to make him an official homeschooler. The move will mean a little more drive time for Brandon to and from work, but it will also mean he will not go several days each week without seeing Cade. Which is big. I mean huge.
I know most of you didn't have a clue we were even looking outside of Jackson, or even the house we're currently living in (which will go on the market very soon since we've opted not to buy it.) It's been sooooo hard to keep this quiet, but since we were in new territory we've never navigated before, and since we've heard so many home-buying horror stories, we kept quiet. It was hard. So very, very hard to hold this in.
Ya'll, I'm so excited for our family. We've lived in 5 different homes in our 7 years of marriage to accommodate budget, childcare, and our growing family. This is a much welcomed "breather" for us. Yes, it means lots of work, but the things we'll be working for are so worth it. Time with our family. Teaching our kids the way we feel called to. Maintaining land for us to explore, rest, create. Cultivating a home that welcomes, warms, loves, extends grace. All worthy.
