It's the most greediest time of the year..

Yes.  I realize "most greediest" is horrible grammar.  Oh well.

So why don't I have a super cheery, Christmasy title today?  Because I'm getting so jaded with this whole thing we've dubbed Christmas.  It feels like I'm WRONG for not overindulging my kids by spending boocoodles of dough on garbage for them to open, lose or destroy, and then trash before the end of January.  Have I missed something?

I jokingly posted as my facebook status today that my car was going to get keyed whenever Cade finally went to school because all the moms would be mad that he burst their babies' Santa bubble.  Yes, I told Cade that Santa is not a real person.  Honestly, I think he's pretty creeped out by the whole idea of this old man in red velvet (I mean...isn't that just a little shady?) coming to his house in the middle of the night.  And guess what?  He's still psyched about Christmas.  He knows mommy and daddy aren't buying him tons of toys. Not once this year have I told him that he would or wouldn't get a toy for Christmas based on his behavior, and he acted just fine.  This is the kind of kid that I WANT to sacrifice for and give a meaningful gift to.  I've been told "Oh, you just wait a couple of years.  He'll be expecting all kinds of stuff at Christmas, and you'll have to stop being a cheapskate and buy that boy some real presents."  What the heck?  Do people honestly think that switches just flip in people randomly and they expect things that they've never had?  Kids respond to our actions.  They expect what is given to them.  They exhibit behaviors repeatedly because they're allowed or encouraged to.

Whew...got all deep and opinionated fast.  I know I'm not right about everything, and I tend to get rubbed the wrong way by lots of things, but I really don't think this is one of those things.  I genuinely feel like we've seriously jacked up Christmas.  Man, how did we get this far from a manger?  I've asked Cade probably 10 times today "What is Christmas really about?", and he tells me it's Jesus's birthday.  And sometimes he gives me this "Oh, mom.  Again?" look, but I don't care.  It's scary to see the look in his eyes when the Target commercial comes on and he sees these kids ripping through gifts and the song says they're feeling "electric jewels of jubilation", and if we have to have the discussion 20 times a day to keep our focus, I'm game.  I thought electric jewels of jubilation was something you saved for the honeymoon...really, when you think about it, the wording is a bit absurd.

I volunteer at a place that supplies food and "care" for people in need...I hate the term food pantry because it's so much more.  But here lately, I've been so frustrated with the inquiries of whether or not we can provide "Christmas" for their children.  I was literally told that if we couldn't provide presents, they they were just going to skip Christmas this year.  I was floored.  Since this was someone who spoke openly about believing in God, I felt compelled to share that Christmas happens no matter what.  Jesus was born, and that doesn't change.

Insert blank stare.

 I really think this concept has never crossed many people's minds.  It baffles me that people can't connect the dots here.  I mean, first of all, the greed and overabundance is just wrong, but I don't understand how we can't make other connections.  Like, we have lots of resources.  People in other areas don't.  We should share.  Even our homeless have a decent life compared to kids in other countries.  I mean, my dog, and I'm not a big lovie dovie dog person, has it better than some of these people.  Here's an example of this extreme poverty and sickness that I ran across recently.  Makes me sick to think how much further $25 would go over there.  Honestly, it won't buy a halfway decent toy here.

So, once again, we will be the people who give either handmade things or charitable gifts in the names of our family members.  And some of those people and people we know will think we're lame-o cheapskates, but that's ok.  I'm not willing to throw His money down a drain just to appease.

I'm sorry if this came off as a rant.  It probably was a rant, and I think I'm fine with that.  It's ok to get fired up about some things, and you're an observer with free will, so if you made it to this point, you probably didn't disagree too terribly much.

I'm going to link a few sites where you could give charitable gifts this Christmas.  I'm sure there are others, but I know people who have experience with these.


http://www.heifer.org
https://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/Giving/gift_catalog/
http://www.charitywater.org/
http://www.bloodwatermission.com/
http://www.pinelake.org/stewardship.php


Oh, and how about a little cuteness?

And some that aren't quite so cute?

And we're back to the cuteness

Maybe I'll have a cheerier post another day.  Funny thing is that I'm actually in a really good mood today, so don't get this vision of a harried hag pounding away at her keyboard.  I know there's lots of good people with good intentions in this world.  I just think we need to turn our focus outward more often...beyond the walls of our home.  I think the best gift we can give our families is a good understanding of what Christmas truly means, and I think we do Jesus a disservice by stopping at the fact that He was born.  Yes, Christmas is a time to celebrate His birth, but it's also a great time to live out what He did and commands us to do as His children.

A lovely daaaaayyy..

Impromptu rez pics tend to be our best ones.  We decided to pack a lunch and head to Lakeshore.  I'm so glad we did.  The ducks were plentiful, the sun was warm, and the kids were photogenic.  It doesn't get much better than that : )

Not sure what this face was all about, but I love it.

This boy was on the move.  Eve dominated the lens today.

I've said it a hundred times, and I'll say it a hundred more...wrapped.

Sweetness

Don't be fooled.  She was not walking at this point...but she is now : )

Tha view

Treasure

Eventually, I'll get to a deep post.  I just wanted to spread some of this cuteness around...the kids, not me : /

Candyween

No costumes.  No scary stuff.  Just good ole candy consumption.  Simple and sweet....literally.

Birfaday Partay

This year, instead of the kids getting a bunch of toys, Brandon and I had the idea to get everyone to chip in and buy/build a playset for the back yard.  I was thinking this was going to be an ongoing thing that we would add to over the next year or so.  Nope.  The grandparents blew it out of the park.  The kids have a ginormous set that will be enjoyed for years...not to mention memories of a sweet day with all their family. We partied from lunch till after dark.  Such a fun day!

Cade sliding before the slide was even attached...he was psyched.

Big Daddy...big feet

Mad props to my FIL who constructed the whole tower prior to that day.  

Are you ready?  Ha...Just for you Tyler.

Cade's "rustic" train cake

Eve's strawberry cupcakes with white chocolate shavings

Not sure what to do here

Cake eating expert

Yeah...this party was def mid October.  I'm such a slacker

These are a few pics of the kiddos enjoying their playset since the party

Luke loves the sand.  Especially when it's being piled onto his back.

Birthday breakfast on his actual birthday.  Waffles...yumm : )

Soooooooo behind...

The past couple of months have absolutely flown by!  I'm about to play catch up for a pic.  The next few posts will be mostly pics and a few Cade funnies.  Enjoy!

He gets it

Nope.  Not dead.  Just dead tired.  Took on way too much over the past month, and my bootay, and sleep schedule has paid the price.  I've wanted to spew on here many times since the last post, but I felt guilty because I had so many other things that needed to be done.  Silly, huh?  Like having thoughts and emotions suddenly ceases when the calendar looks like it threw up...ha.  I think they actually multiply.  Well, I'll catch up later...maybe next week.  For now, I just wanted to share something that made me proud and convicted the mess out of me today.  Here's the convo...and a pic of that sweet lil' man, with whom I was speaking, in his new swing.  More about the swing later, though.

"Mommy, where's daddy?" (for the hundredth time this morning)

"Cade, you know he's at work."

"Oh ok.  He's at the store with his fwriends?"

"Well, he's at work, and yeah, I'm sure some of the people are his friends."

"Mommy, why he has to go to work?"

"Well, daddy has to work hard so we can have the things we have.  If daddy didn't work, mommy couldn't stay home with you, we wouldn't have a place to live, and we wouldn't be able to buy food and clothes."

Silence...he walks away.

30 seconds later...

"He also goes work to give man food and money dat doeshn't have any."

He's 2, and he gets it.  He gets that just because we work and make money, it doesn't mean that it's ours to go and blow.  We have the God-given ability to work, and we have the God-given responsibility of using those resources to care for others.

We stopped about a month ago on Lakeland Dr. and gave a guy a few bucks at a red light.  Cade was totally confused, so I explained why we did that, and let him know what that guy's circumstances may be.  This Sunday, we left cans behind our vehicle at church for a food drive, and I again explained why we were doing that.  They see.  They remember.  They understand.  And one day, they will act based on these experiences.  I get chills about my 2 year old have a heart for the hurting and hungry.

Take the time.  Explain.  And Give.  It's not yours anyway.

Let me be still

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Ok.  How many walls have you seen this on?  I first saw this prayer on a plaque with 5 too many coats of polyurethane on it in my granny's bathroom.  I saw it in almost every senior citizen Sunday school room at church.  I saw it in e-mails of people who had lost someone or had been diagnosed with some horrid form of cancer.  So, I thought this was the old or terminally ill person's prayer.  And not the spry or optimistic old or ill people.  The sad, lonely ones with no hope, who just want to suck everyone else into their vortex.  Needless to say, I did not think this prayer was for me.  I'm a mid-twenties happily married mother of two beautiful children.  I'm fine.

Well, a few weeks ago I realized I wasn't fine.  I was in a house with 3 of the most loving people you will every find, and I was sad and lonely.  Hold up.  Did I just admit that I was one of those people from the previous paragraph?  Yes.  Yes I did.

You see, my state of mind had nothing to do with the people around me.  I hadn't gone through a traumatic loss of a family member.  We weren't suffering a sudden financial crisis.  Nope.  Through fleshing this out in a very hard convo with my husband (not that he made it hard, it was just hard to air all these emotions out), I realized I'd put myself into this spot I was in.  I'd allowed some wants and selfish desires to fester in my head and in my heart, and I hadn't made any efforts to treat or heal these self-inflicted "wounds".  I was taking blame for things that I was never blamed for, creating scenarios that weren't currently playing out, and harboring desires for things that I "should" want.


We live in the coun-try.  We do not own our home and land.  My husband drives 45 minutes to work.  We can't walk out of our front door onto a sidewalk and stroll to our bestie's house.  In fact, I don't know a single person's name that lives within a 3 mile radius.  


Sob. Story. Right?  I know.  I can't even count how many times a day these things had been running through my head.  I mean, I grew up in the country.  I'm used to this way of life.  Why am I whining?  Then I realized...I'd gotten all wrapped up in the "American Dream".  You know.  The thing we're taught to want from birth...the dream of owning my own home, driving a nice car,  grilling out with my nuclear-family neighbors weekly, and having my kids in the most expensive and highest ranked schools around.  Yeah, you knew which dream I was talking about, didn't ya?  Well, this dream had consumed my thought life.  This is a dream that I never really envisioned myself pursuing as a youth.  In fact, this is not really a dream I desire to flesh out in my current state of life.  But, because I believed this lifestyle would make all of our lives "easier", I decided I should strive and strive to begin to make this dream a reality for my family.  


Now don't get me wrong.  I don't believe any of the things I've listed in the "dream" are actually wrong.  However, I do believe the "love of" and the "lusting over" the dream are.  I had to do a major gut check.  I was soooo enamored with the thought of having some of these things, I'd almost convinced myself that they were feasible with our current income and in this stage of live.  That's soooo very dangerous.  You know how you think a thought for long enough, and it eventually seems like a reality, even though it most definitely is not? 


I was over-thinking everything.  "We're just out here on this land because of my family", "If we just lived closer to his work, we'd spend more time together", "If I could just have a neighborhood to walk through, I'd be able to exercise more", "If we had neighbors with  younger kids and more in common, we'd be much happier".  Here's the thing.  All of those thoughts may be true.  Here's the problem...I wasn't leaving any room for God's will in any of those thoughts.  I wasn't giving God any room to move or any credit for the absolutely blessed life we currently live.  I wasn't thinking about how living here is less expensive than anywhere else we could possible live, and it's because of the lessened financial burden, I am able to stay home with my babies.  I wasn't looking at the lack of friends around me as a chance to stretch myself when I am in social situations.  Oh, and here's the biggie.  I wasn't thinking that maybe God doesn't want us tied down to a mortgage and lots of nice things because He doesn't want us too comfortable where we are.  Whoa.  That's a little scary.  Crazy enough, a couple of days after this realization, several members of our church spoke about things like "just feeling the need to down-size and keep life simple because they knew big things were in store for them, and they knew they needed to be ready and mobile for when their time came to make that move."  That just hit me in my very core.  What if all of this was God's will?


What? Did you just say "what if" when it comes to God's will?  Come on.  I know I'm not the only one who has overlooked, questioned, or just flat out ignored the will and hand of God in my life.  I started thinking about all the puzzle pieces in my life that just seemed odd, disjointed, and impossible to connect, and I broke.  All the things that the world has seen as unfair and horrible in our life, God intended for good.  It was because of Brandon's gloomy medical diagnosis that we decided to conceive at such an early age.  Now we're the young, happy parents of two precious gifts.  It's also because of our trials with his health that we don't have the squeaky credit necessary to procure our dream house and live "well", and I consider that a blessing because we have learned so much from living paycheck to paycheck and frugally.  It's really hard to swallow that God would allow my husband to suffer in order to ground us and give us perspective, but I'm so certain that's what happened.  


It's so easy to forget about all of the other characteristics of God when "love" is the one stressed to us so often.  God knows us.  He knows that for us to be moldable and willing we had to be broken....over and over.  That doesn't sound like the "Jesus loves me" God, does it?  But it is, and that's what I have to tell myself regularly to keep things in perspective.  I've had to realize that different people are in different spiritual seasons in life.  God has a perfect plan for us, but it is soooo incredibly easy to mess it all up with our "human-ness".  


Whew.  This girl has this whole situation under control now, right?  I mean, it sounds like she's worked all this out in her head and heart, and she knows what she's doing and where God's taking her, right? Well, that would be a big, fat negative.  I soooo don't have things figured out.  I will think horrible things before the day is over, and I will, for the gazillionth time, want something even though I know it's not God's will for me in this season of life.  I'm human..I'm sinful.  I'm just glad He cares enough about me to slow me down long enough for me to process and see His plan...even when He already knows I'll start trying to make changes to the blueprint before this blog has posted.  


So, I end with the title of this post.  It's from a song I bought the performance track to, but never sang in church.  I think it's because the lyrics are hard for me to swallow.  It's so hard for me to be still...I can't remember all of the lyrics, but these are the ones I find playing through my head occasionally. (Update: Just found song on You Tube...was looking for the wrong name when I tried finding it last night/this morning)


***Found all of the lyrics...just can't stop with the chorus.  


"Still" by Watermark



The more I get alone
The more I see I need to get alone more, more
Cause just when I think that I'm alone
Your Spirit calls out to me
And even silence has a song
Cause that's when you come
Sing over me


Still, let me be still
Let me be OK
With the quiet in my heart
Still, I want to be still
I'm so quick to move
Instead of listening to you
Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life,
Still


Oh this world, it falls around me
And flutters all it's beauty in my eyes
But let me choose the solitude
Simplicity has always simply changed my life
Cause even stillness makes me move
Cause that's when my heart
Learns to dance with you


Still, let me be still
Let me be OK
With the quiet in my heart
Still, I want to be still
I'm so quick to move
Instead of listening to you
I'm your child
Tame my heart
Obedience
To me impart

Still
La la la la la, Hold me
La la la la la, Cleanse me
La la la la la, Change me, Oh God
Change me while I am

Still, let me be still
And know that you are God
And you are always enough
Still, I want to be still
To take all that I am
And simply lift it up
Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life,
Still

It's so hard, but I want to just be still in His plan, and I want to be sure that when I move, we are both moving in the same direction.