Just shy of 2 weeks

I've had so many people ask about the new place.  Is it crazy different living so far out?  How's homeschooling going?  Have there been any major changes so far?  Do you like it? And there's been like a zillion requests for photos.

Well, we've been here just 12 days, so my answers will likely change with time, but here goes.

So far, it hasn't really been all that different living further out.  Brandon's commute takes more time, but that was actually one of the perks for him.  He kind of missed the longer drive he had when we lived in the country a few years ago.  That's his time to mentally change gears from home to work mode and vice versa, which he really needs.  I've tried out a few different grocery stores in Canton, and all of them have been ok.  I can get pretty much anything I want with only a 10 minute drive, including carry out from Mcalister's, which actually has a drive thru window: )  Fabulousness!  A new Wal-Mart opened in Canton yesterday, and it's 10 minutes away, as well.  I don't love the place, but it's nice to have it so close by.

I have found that I feel less inclined to hop in my vehicle to run errands or to get out for a breather after Brandon gets home.  Some of that has to do with this sweet lil' happy place I finally cultivated this week.  It's not a finished product, but I can definitely get my sew on.  This spot is on one side of my laundry room.  It's on the farthest end from the kids' bedrooms, and there is a DOOR (hallelujah!)  to keep little fingers out of my stuff.

Another plus is that I'm forced to plan more before I go to the store, which I actually like.  I spent waaaaay less money on groceries when we lived further from the store.  My often mushy mommy brain needs to be challenged, and creating a weekly menu and perfectly organized grocery list in Evernote, complete with linked recipes and checkboxes is just what I need to whip that mush back into shape.  But, when that occasional week creeps up where Brandon has to close 3 nights, I could stress eat a tray of Oreos, and the thought of touching one more dirty dish gives me hives, there's always that bless'ed Mcalister's drive thru window…which I can visit...in my pajamas.  For the win.

Ok.  Enough about Oreos and sweet tea because I could really go for some, and it's 10:23 p.m.  Shame.

Back to that talk of whipping some mushy matter into shape, I've been walking more since we've been here.  We are the first house on a gravel road which loops around the lake and dead ends into a levee, which runs right along one side of our lot (clear as mud, right?).  There are some pretty mean hills on this short road, and pushing 65 lbs of kids in a double stroller on gravel  is no joke.  Today, Cade was able to bike the loop twice for the first time, so my rear is gonna be extra sore tomorrow from that second trip around.

These are a few phone shots from our walk the other day.  They don't really do it justice.  I could sit on that levee all day.

Yep, this one's crooked.  It's 10:59 p.m. , and I'm not about to edit it.  Just tilt your head 3 degrees to the left.  

There.  Fixed it.

As for homeschool, we're easing into things and slowly getting our feet wet.  I've looked at the different types of homeschooling methods, and I definitely think we fall under the "eclectic" category.  We like variety too much to follow some of the really structured curriculums or kits I've seen on the market.  Though we're newborns in this department, I think we will likely keep the loose, eclectic approach to the kids' home education.  I think I'll save my homeschool post for a later date after I have a little more to share.  I WILL say I was shocked by the tiny card I was required to fill out for Cade to be a legit homeschooler.  Seriously, it took me approximately 1 minute to complete.  

There's nothing like creating a skip-counting caterpillar in your alien pjs.  Just sayin'.

As for major changes, there's one that really sticks out.  

Laundry.

Seriously, it's tripled.  And here's why.

These two have been in the muddy ruts left as souvenirs of our move in day every. single. day.  They blow through two full sets of clothes and pairs of shoes by lunch.  They better be glad they're cute.

Oh, and if you couldn't tell, I've completely left Eve to her own devices in the wardrobe department.  It's just not even worth my energy to try and pick out something she approves of.  

Other than these things, we've just had a lot of chill time.  

There've been a few warm'ish days we spent on the porch.

Trek's been rockin' a mean bed head lately.  Wetting, brushing…doesn't do a darn bit of good.

Cade's been practicing with his new bb gun he got for Christmas.  

We're working on that form : )  We need a hunter since our yard is covered in deer tracks.  Seriously.  

This little guy has been cracking us up lately.  He's (I'm) sleeping much better now that he has his own room.  The first night was a little crazy, but I've only heard him wake up during the night once since then.  This. Is.  Huge.

He's been raiding his sister's shoes lately.  These pink ones are his favs because they make loud clickety clack noises on the floor.  

As for house pics…I royally suck at before and after photos.  The majority of the before photos I have are from the listing, and those aren't really accurate since the place was doused in builder beige after those were taken.  I'll try to get a few more things hung on the walls this weekend, and I'll post more.  Of course, I've got a looooong list of DIY projects I'm insanely excited about, and I'll try to take pics of those.  

All in all, we've really enjoyed our first 12 days in our new home.  There's just something really special about owning a home and knowing there's no pending move out date.  We anticipate being here a good, long time.  

Change is a comin'

Yesterday was a big day.  A big, long, tiring, awesome, emotional, rejuvenating, humbling day.

I woke up at 6 after having 0 uninterrupted hours of sleep.

I showered and got dressed BEFORE 7 a.m.

I dragged my 6 year old out of bed, had a 15 minute discussion with him about why he was supposed to wear pj's to school for his Polar Express party (the same discussion we'd had the previous night when I laid the said items out for him to wear), and shuffled him to the van…half-eaten banana hanging out of his mouth.  I had the teacher's gifts in one hand, the bag of iced sugar cookies in the other, a lump the size of Texas in my throat, and tears threatening to betray me.

You see, I grabbed my school visitor's pass, walked my boy back to his classroom with his gifts and cookies, and then I went back to the office and signed his withdrawal form.

I sent my boy to his first ever Christmas party and withdrew him from kindergarten within half an hour.

One hour later, I was seated at a table with 7 other folks signing even more papers.  Lots and lots of papers.  And then, I walked to the car with Brandon, with that same lump and those darn tears still in place.  I un-curled my clammy fingers, and I took this photo.

                                             

Those keys represent so many things.  Waiting.  Tears.  Arguments.  Dissatisfaction.  Growth.  Money. Patience. Trials.  Peace.  Opportunity.  Thankfulness.

Those keys represent a process.  A journey.

They opened our minds to new, uncomfortable, unvisited ideas.  But, ultimately…tangibly, they open this.

This is our new home.  For the first time in our marriage, we don't have a lease, we have a mortgage.

I'm sure from the photo, you can see it's not in NE Jackson or Fondren.  It's not even in Hinds County.  It's in rural Canton.  It was not in the neat little area I drew on my Zillow map to filter my search.  It didn't fit in any of the checkboxes I checked on realtor.com, and the numbers didn't line up with the ones I typed in the fields on Trulia.  But, once we made the drive out there.

Experienced it.

We knew our lines had been erased, and our filters had been reset.

Don't worry, there will be many posts in the future with more photos and details about the house…I promise.  For now, I just wanted to focus on the "why?"

We love being home.  Instead of having a small, easily maintained space and spending all our time doing and going, we prefer being home with space to rest, create, have friends and family over, and to just "be".  There's room to grow.  Not necessarily, but possibly in number.  The kids won't go days without seeing their dad due to an unpredictable retail schedule clashing against a rigid school schedule.  Yes, we could have found something that "worked" in Jackson, but this was just right in our hearts.  It's old.  It's new.  There's room to romp around barefoot.  There's space to create and think…breathe.  There's space for learning.

We will hopefully move in around mid-January.  Like I said, Cade has been withdrawn from school, and we will submit our form after the break to make him an official homeschooler.  The move will mean a little more drive time for Brandon to and from work, but it will also mean he will not go several days each week without seeing Cade.  Which is big.  I mean huge.

I know most of you didn't have a clue we were even looking outside of Jackson, or even the house we're currently living in (which will go on the market very soon since we've opted not to buy it.)  It's been sooooo hard to keep this quiet, but since we were in new territory we've never navigated before, and since we've heard so many home-buying horror stories, we kept quiet.  It was hard.  So very, very hard to hold this in.  

Ya'll, I'm so excited for our family.  We've lived in 5 different homes in our 7 years of marriage to accommodate budget, childcare, and our growing family.  This is a much welcomed "breather" for us.  Yes, it means lots of work, but the things we'll be working for are so worth it.  Time with our family.  Teaching our kids the way we feel called to.  Maintaining land for us to explore, rest, create.  Cultivating a home that welcomes, warms, loves, extends grace.  All worthy.

Tender Mercies

Whirlwind.  An absolute whirlwind of appointments, obligations, emotions, and just stuff.  None bad.  Just a lot.  A whole lot of stinkin' busyness for my usually very laid back, low-key crew.  This led to tears before school because momma was so tired she slept through the alarm and forced my big boy to squeeze a 30 minute regimen into 9 measly minutes.  There were also those nights when I almost couldn't be bothered with baths...much less extra hugs and snuggles.  I mean, for the love, stay in your bed.

My face broke out.  I ate way to many cream pumpkins out of the fall candy corn assortment.  And I became hard towards my children.  Literally, just two weeks of extra "stuff" going on in my life, and I just about couldn't even be bothered with my children.  The ones I stay home with.  The ones I left my paid job for.  The ones I've birthed and pretty much given up all hope of bladder control for.  

It was time for a slow down.  Actually, more like a hard brake.  

I prayed.  I cried a big ugly, snotty cry, and I begged God to soften my heart towards my family, particularly my kids.  I pleaded for wisdom and guidance to bring me out of my self-centered funk.  And, I picked up my camera.

I once read that the best way to ease frustration and hardness towards your kids is to bring them closer to you, which is kinda what I do, except I use a lens.  When I photograph my kids, I fall in love with them all over again.  I can see it all...freckles, gold flecks in their eyes, uncertainty, tenacity, need, dirt.  I don't clean their faces, coordinate their outfits, or give them orders to smile or look at me.  I just snap while they're living, and it rejuvenates my soul.  

So, I'm going to let the photos I've taken over the last week speak.  They're loud and quiet all at the same time.  Intimate.  Tender.  Sure, I'll clue you in to what was going on every now and then, but for the most part, I think you can see the testimony of a gracious God giving sweet, sweet gifts to a hard, thirsty soul.

coffee. backyard sittin' & a fire.

This man is wrapped.  And he's pretty much got me wrapped, too.

My firstborn turned 6.  He's a quiet, sweet soul who isn't big on a whole lotta birthday hoopla.  So, we opted for a 15 minute cookie snack time with his class and we ate at Cock of the Walk.  The boy loves some fried food.  The next day, he got to tell me exactly what kind of cake he wanted me to make him, and he loved every minute of watching momma make his cake from scratch.  No surprises.  No groups of family watching him open gifts.  No planning or clean up.  Just us, pajamas, and lots of cocoa, sugar, and butter.  It was the cool, calming salve we needed for our burned out little family.

I love this kid.

This is the one my heart cried the most over.  He's been a challenge from the get-go.  It's easy to drown in regret.  I've felt overcome since the first day I met him.  How could someone I love so much drive me to near lunacy?  I watched him in his mismatched clothes...clothes I made him that he brought to me to put on him for the day.  He climbed that climbing wall on the swing set, with the afternoon sun lazily hanging out behind him.  He glowed.  And in that moment, I chose to learn instead of regret how much of his short life I've wished away.  I admired his tiny fingers and toes as they curled around the grips. He's fierce, and I am going to have to learn how to hold my hands out to guide and lead him instead of throw them up in defeat and frustration.   

Wild, I tell ya'.

My girl sat at the sewing machine for nearly an hour.  I loved watching this little face as she created.

This one also sewed, but most of his evening was spent tending and sitting by the fire.  On a school night.  Homework waited, supper was simple, and his heart was full.  So was mine.

Later on, I found this.  Trek was taking a while to settle down and sleep, so I put Cade in my bed for a bit.  When I went to move him, I found him enveloped in one of my sweaters.  It wasn't cold, but he just needed this piece of momma.  This brought me to my knees and put mascara stains on my freshly dry cleaned quilt.  What a picture of fragility, comfort, peace, and safety.  Even though I'd felt my mood lightening, my shoulders loosening, and my mind clearing over the last few days after my pleas to God, this was the visual I needed to make my heart mush.  This wrecked me in the best possible way. God gave me this memory of grace and redemption.  He reminded me of why I'm some crazy, college educated momma of three in her twenties who stays home with no paycheck and gets emptied daily...sometimes multiple times.   

This is my calling.  My family.  For His purpose.