Crazed: Rebel Child

When people see me out and about with one child, they often feel the need to tell me that I better enjoy having just one for a while. After I inform them that I actually have three, they usually ask about ages, their genders, yada, yada, yada... Inevitably, after learning that Eve is sandwiched in between two boys, they say "Oh, she's going to be a tough one with two boys around." To which I reply "No, they're going to be tough ones with her around." They chuckle like I'm being funny or making a little joke.

People. I'm not joking. You'd think this girl has been training to be a cage fighter.

She. Is. Tough. Stubborn. Strategic. You name it.

Here lately, I'm sure my friends on Facebook and family members feel like maybe I'm "picking" on her or exaggerating her less than desirable behavior. Well, ladies and gents, I've been taking it easy on her. I'm not sure how she functions throughout the day because she has apparently straight up lost her mind.

I'm sure you remember from the previous post that she pooped on the bathroom floor a couple weeks back. The thought of it still makes me gag. I mean, she was 2 feet from the toilet. She's been fully potty trained for 9 months. What gives?!?

So, here we are a couple of weeks later, and the girl hasn't lost steam. If anything, she's gaining it.

Yesterday, while loading the dishwasher, I detected a "minty" odor in the air. I ignored it. Big mistake. About 20 minutes later I heard a noise from the older two kids' room. Perched at the end of her bed, Eve is scooping out and slathering Vicks Vapo rub all over her body...clothes and all. I wiped her up, changed her clothes, and ordered her back to bed. Goodness.

Now here we are, 24 hours, 15 growls and "I fustated wif you"s, 30 screams, 2 pull-your-hair-out bedtimes, 3 pull-your-hair-out meals, 3 spankings, and 2 snuggle sessions later.

Oh, I forgot to include the "I colored all over my parents' 2-day-old 750TC sheet set and 1 of their 3-day-old pillow shams which belongs to a discontinued, super rare organic line which my mom scored at Hudson's for 17% of its original retail" part of that time period. Ooops. How did I forget that detail?

I'll tell you how. I'm still on the verge of tears. My hands are about to crack from being exposed to so much rubbing alcohol, hairspray, and ink remover. In my washing machine, sits my set of still ink-stained sheets which we scrimped and saved for. That's how I forgot...I want to pretend it never happened. We recently wore holes all the way through both fitted sheets from sets we were given at wedding showers. They were that bad. We've been sleeping on top of and under flat sheets. Needless to say, I was a little upset today when Brandon sent the text that "Eve has taken a pen to our sheets." Here I was, grande caramel frappe in hand, cruising Target, kid-free...living it up. The next second, I'm struggling not to cry on the curtain rod aisle. It wasn't until I got home and saw the actual extent of the damage that the bile began to rise up in my throat. I've used every trick I can find on the web to remove these black, gel-ink pen marks. I've given up on the sheets. Those marks can be hidden. The sham is a different story. It fell victim to the most damage. I'm going to cross my fingers and take it to the cleaners tomorrow.

Now get this. After a daddy spanking...the girl was still tear and remorse-free.

I just about cry when I witness a daddy spanking.

Occasionally, she softens up, says kind things, obeys, and melts my heart. But right now, she apparently has ice water flowing through her veins, and she's breaking my heart in two.

Ehhh. Tomorrow is another day. Let's just hope she doesn't take my pair of Gingher scissors to her new patchwork quilt I just completed last night.

To lighten things up a bit, here are a few pics from this morning...before it all went soooo far south.

After the kids knocked and whined at the back door constantly for 30 minutes to come back inside (I know I'm not the only one who banishes the kids to the back yard every now and then), I got the bright idea to drag the plastic kiddie pool to the foot of their playset slide. Did I mention I'm a genius? They played virtually whine and altercation-free for almost an hour. We cooled off with a fruit bar and some intense rolly polly hunting.