How do you get your children to sleep all night in their own beds?
I will start by saying I am definitely not the sleep guru. I don't have decades of data and facts to back up my strategy. I simply knew what I wanted our nightly routine to look like...before my kids even came into the picture, and it didn't include them in my room. It definitely did not include them in my bed. I am not a snuggler, and the just the thought of those extra bodies in my bed irritates me. I just got the heeby jeebies just typing that last sentence.
Now, before you call me cold-hearted, un-nurturing or even closed-minded, please hear me out. I love, love, love my children. They are such blessings, and I try to cherish every waking moment I have with them...note that I said "waking". However, before my children comes my relationship with my husband. He is my best friend, and he deserves a special time of the day when all my attention and energy is focused on him. Granted, by the end of the day, my attention span and energy are almost non-existent, which means it's even more important for me to be able to focus solely on him. So, now that my priorities have been established, and you know why the choice was made, you're probably asking "how?"Both of my children started out in their crib, in their room from day one at home. Since I chose to nurse both of my babies, it definitely would have been much easier to have them right next to my bed. However, I've learned through life's lessons that what's comfortable is not always what's best for me. I didn't learn about the Ferber Method until my oldest was a couple of months old, but we basically started practicing it from the very beginning. I didn't know in the beginning about timed intervals of crying and the "correct" strategy for building them up to self-soothing. I just knew that a little crying wasn't going to kill my baby, and if I could just tough it out, it would probably pay off. Neither of my children were/are rocked to sleep. In the first few months, I made it a point to wake them when I placed them in bed if they fell asleep nursing. Both of my children started sleeping through the night by six weeks of age (meaning 7+ hours). Every other month or so, one of them with have a bad dream, be sick, or have an "off" night which will cause them to wake in the middle of the night, but the important thing is that they return to their own bed.
During the day, they both nap in their own bed, not mine. Several people have said something to the effect of "Oh, you just wait till they get older. They'll be in your bed every night." I just simply flash them a big ole smile and say "No. They won't." How can I be so sure? Because it's just not an option.
I'll be very honest with you. Yes, they cried. Yes, it was very hard on my post-partum emotions. Yes, it was hard to have a toddler trying to sleep two doors down from a sobbing infant. But I feel like we've gotten over the "hump", and I now have a two-and-a-half year old and a six-month-old who are slumbering peacefully in their own rooms.
Like I said, I'm definitely not an expert. I know everyone has their own routine, and many people happily co-sleep with their children. I'm just simply stating what works for me and my family as far as sleep routines are concerned.
I do want to challenge you, however. If you are co-sleeping with your children, and it causes friction between you and your husband, please consider re-thinking your system. Remember, your relationship came first, and should continue to do so. Change is hard, but sometimes it is so very necessary.
If you are curious about how I tackle anything else, I'll gladly share my experiences with you. Just ask : )
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