Life with a nudist

My two and a half year old is officially a nudist.  He hates clothes.  Loathes them, in fact.  He definitely did not get this from me....must be from his dad : )  I guess he wants to be fair to all parts of his anatomy.  I mean, is it really fair that the eyes get all the enjoyment?  Why shouldn't every square inch of his skin enjoy all the sights and textures he encounters every day?  Here are just a few places/times he particularly enjoys being nude.

1.  Outside.  It's nothing for me to look out into the back yard only to find a nude child running around playing with the dog.  Most of the time, he'll maintain a shred of modesty by leaving his shirt on, but you can forget about bottoms staying on.  The thing that gets me the most, is that he sits in his sandbox this way.  Can you say ouch?  That cannot possibly be pleasant.  And what about bugs?  Aggghhh.  It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.  If the neighbor relations weren't so strained, I'm sure we'd have complaints coming from them.  But, since they chose to allow their vicious mutt to return after his stay in the doggie joint, I guess it's only fair that we get to run a mini nudist colony.  

2.  On the couch.  The cold, cold "inherited from Brandon's pre-marriage days" leather couch.  He will strip down and promptly crawl up onto the couch to watch his "tartoons" in morning.  I guess even his "peewuh"...I think you can guess what that is in his language...likes Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  At least he has one other being in this house who shares that sentiment.  

3.  After his "showah wit daddeeee".  The child hates baths, so we've gotten into a routine where he takes showers with daddy at night.  After his shower, my husband throws a towel over the little nudist's shoulders and releases him from the bathroom.  He makes a beeline into the living room where I'm usually feeding the baby or taking a breather and yells "Tada!" while he simultaneously drops his towel, bearing all.  The kid never even uses a towel to dry off.  He air-dries.  I guess he's just keeping it all natural.  

4.  Random public places.  Now this has to be my absolute fav (this is dripping with sarcasm).  There's nothing like seeing a shirt flung from the left side of the stroller and instantly hearing a burst of giggles.  I stretch around the edge to look at him, and what do I find?  A beaming boy who is rubbing his chest and belly.  All the while, everyone else surrounding is either laughing or thinking "I'm sure he gets that from his mother.  There's no way he would just up and do a thing like that if he hadn't seen it modeled at home."  Well, little old ladies and uptight moms, I'm here to tell you that he did in fact start doing this on his own.  I haven't shed my shirt in public in years.  JUST KIDDING.  Never done such a thing.  

Bonus:

I wanted to throw in this incident which occurred yesterday.  In an attempt to get some editing done, I'd allowed him to take my phone into the living room to "pway games and make T wex".  Yes, he has his own apps on the phone.  Don't judge.  Those babies got me through a 2 1/2 hour wait at the doctor's office on Tuesday.  Take that.  Aaaaanyway...my darling walks in the room where I'm working away and says "Where's mommy's phone?" in the most mischievous tone I've ever heard from him.  Without glancing at him, I say "I don't know.  Where is it?"  Again, he asks me where the phone is.  I look over at him to see his pelvic region jutting forward in an unnatural stance.  Upon closer inspection, I also notice an odd shape in his underwear (yes, he actually had some on).  You guessed it.  He'd put my phone, the object I have to touch and allow my face to touch many times a day IN HIS UNDERWEAR!    Gross, I know.  But I couldn't stop laughing for a solid 2.41 minutes.  

Never a dull or fully-clothed moment in this house.