you had a bad day

Yep. It's been one of those days. One of those "I can't look in the mirror because I look like death and I really don't want to see myself for who I really am" days. You know the ones. The ones you can predict before you get out of bed, or before you even go to bed the night/morning before. This would be my case because I went to bed waaaayyy too late. The ones where whatever you think spews out like word vomit, and you're wallowing so deep in self-pity that you don't even care to attempt to clean up the emotional messes you're making. The ones where you're so far in denial that you actually think the foulness of the day is caused by others, and you played no part in it escalating to its state of utter crappiness...for lack of a better word. Then what happens. You blow. You let it all out. You make complaints and claims that only make sense in your emotional and sleep-deprived mind. Ahhhh...and it's all better then....right?


Wrong

You look into the chocolate eyes of your two and a half year old. Those puppy dog eyes that were so full of joy when they peeked over the side of your bed at 6:47 that morning. But that joy is gone. It's been replaced with the threat of tears, and his face no longer glows...In fact it looks rather pale and dull. That's when it hits you. You've wasted a whole day griping, accusing, venting...For what? To make yourself feel better?

Well, since this has been my day, I'll be the first to tell you that "better" is the furthest from what I feel. I feel terrible. My head hurts, I look like an addict who is strung out, and I've been incredibly un-productive. None of that touches the hurt that I brought to my children, though. I know I killed my little warrior's spirit today. That hurts. It hurts so badly because I can't even apologize to him because he doesn't truly understand all that an apology entails. I think what hurts the worst is that he's probably already forgiven me. He loves me no matter what, and it makes me weep to think that I hurt someone who is so loving and forgiving.

I think if we're honest, we've all had those days. We're human. They're inevitable. But for us to grow and improve, I think we must strive to decrease them.

So you had a bad day....and it's ok.